Warning: Smoking Cigarettes Can Be Hazardous To Your Health
by ALonesomeAuthor
Summary: I was irritated. Irritated that I wasn't allowed to smoke. The more I thought about it, the more irritated I became. It wasn't fair that I couldn't smoke. Then I got a brilliant idea. A perfectly awesome, brilliant idea. I could easily just take some of Havoc's. Brilliant. Edward decides to smoke and Havoc is not pleased. Oneshot, Not Slash, Warning Spanking. Rated T to be safe.


**A/N: I rewatched Fullmetal Alchemist and started _finally_** **on Brotherhood and I came up with is little idea. It's a little AU in a sense. I hope you enjoy. Oh and this takes place during the 2003 series not Brotherhood, since I like the original series better than Brotherhood, though Brotherhood is getting better.**

 **Warning:** **Contains spanking of a child by a parental/brotherly figure.** **If you don't enjoy stories like this then please read one that is more suited to you. There are plenty of stories out there folks just waiting to be read, if you don't care for mine.**

 **Disclaimer:** **I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or it's characters. I'm simply borrowing them and will return them when I am finished.**

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Warning: Smoking Cigarettes Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

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I was irritated. Irritated that I wasn't allowed to smoke. I was always fascinated by Havoc's cigarettes, well cigarettes in general I found to be fascinating. The way the fire would glow when you were taking a puff, the way the smoke would curl and dance about in the air, the way the ashes would flutter to the ground like snow; I even liked the way that the smoke smelled. It made me want to try a cigarette first hand. Havoc seemed to enjoy them, in fact he couldn't really function without them. The more I thought about it, the more irritated I became. It wasn't fair that I couldn't smoke. I was too young everyone had said. Too young to smoke, but not too young to be a State Alchemist. I was twelve years old and a State Alchemist, I could make my own decisions! Hell, I had been making my own decisions for years already! It just wasn't fair!

Then I got a brilliant idea. A perfectly awesome, brilliant idea. There wasn't a store in town that would sell me a pack even if I showed them my State Alchemist's watch but that didn't mean that I didn't have access to a pack of cigarettes. In fact they sat in the desk directly across from mine own never used desk. I could easily just take some of Havoc's. He'd never notice. I would just take some when everyone was in the mess hall eating lunch. Brilliant.

I stealthily snuck down the hall trying to avoid being seen, my automail hand curled around the four little white sticks of tobacco that I would soon be enjoying. I had wanted to take a few more, but I had heard the door start to open so I had shoved Havoc's cigarettes quickly back into his desk drawer and jumped up from the chair, tucking the few that I had managed to grab into my pocket. It had been Hawkeye that had come in. She had raised a brow at me and had asked why I wasn't in the mess hall eating lunch, so I had lied to her and said that I had already eaten, before I had practically ran out the room. I was lucky that she didn't follow me. Looking back now, my behavior had been quite suspicious, but there was no way that anyone would be able to tell what I had done. Havoc smoked enough that he would never notice a few of them missing. My plan had been foolproof.

Smiling to myself, I slipped through the door to the outer gardens surrounding Central Command Center. I had made sure that I was on the opposite side of the building, ensuring that I was nowhere near Mustangs office. Smirking at my success I leaned against the wall and pulled out one of the cigarettes that I had ganked and the box of matches that I had procured from Fuery. I stuck the cigarette in my mouth and lit a match, holding the flame to the end, watching the tobacco flare up and turn into a glowing red ember, signalling that the cigarette was lit. I took a long drag off it and inhaled triumphantly.

I choked as my throat spasmed, sending me into a coughing fit that lasted several minutes. I couldn't help but gag slightly at the taste. It was smoky and bitter and kind of spicy; burning the back of my throat. This wasn't at all like what I expected, but maybe I was just too inexperienced to enjoy it properly. Yes, that had to be it, I hadn't smoked enough to have gotten use to it yet. So I immediately took another puff. This result wasn't much better than the first, though I didn't gag this time. But the coughing fit was just as bad. I looked at the cigarette in my hand confusedly, I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. Havoc never coughed and gagged when he smoked. I glared at the thing before beginning to smoke again. There was no way I was going to let a little cigarette get the best of me. I eventually stopped coughing at the end of each puff by the end of the first cigarette, but by the end of the second cigarette I was feeling lightheaded, dizzy and nauseous. Fighting back the urge to throw up whatever might have been left of my breakfast, I finally lit my fourth and last cigarette, almost somewhat relieved that I was almost finished. I took the first drag, and inhaled before letting out my breath in a smoky cloud when I heard a very pissed off voice suddenly shout,

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?"

I was so startled that I dropped my cigarette onto the ground, turning slowly to see Havoc standing by the side door. I wasn't sure how he had found me out, because there was no doubting that he had, he wouldn't have come this direction at all if that wasn't the case, but that didn't matter. I quickly turned and started to run, fueled by the sudden panic that flooded my chest. I didn't make it very far before I felt an arm wrap itself round my middle, catching me in mid run before spinning me around and shaking me firmly. I tried to swallow back the sick feeling that rose to my throat as I looked up at Havoc. I don't think that I've ever seen him look so pissed before, not even when I was bad mouthing Mustang. He was furious, I could practically see the steam coming out of his ears.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Havoc demanded again, shaking me a little harder.

"I-I...H-Havoc, l-lemme go!" I suddenly wheezed.

"Let you go?" Havoc demanded, before suddenly looking concerned.

"Chief? Edward? You didn't smoke all four of them did you?"

I could only nod, as I was afraid that if I opened my mouth I was going to puke. My stomach contracted again and I pressed both of my hands to my mouth, as I jerked out of Havoc's grip and began to run for the nearest lavatory. I barely made it before I was emptying the contents of my stomach, feeling as if every burning puff that I had taken off of those cigarettes was coming back up. After I had finished I stood up on shaky legs and left the stall and walked straight into Havoc.

"Feeling better?" asked Havoc.

I nodded silently, now that I wasn't feeling sick and the panic had worn off, my irritation was back.

"You want to explain to me what the hell you were thinking?"

"I was smoking."

"Yeah I could see that Edward." growled Havoc. "Care to explain why you were smoking when all of us told you not to?"

"Because I wanted to." I snarked. "And I don't see why any of you should have any say in whether or not I smoke! I'm a State Alchemist! I can make my own decisions! And besides you smoke!" I said accusingly.

"Yeah I do, I wish I had had somebody back when I started to kick my ass and break my habit before it even started. But no one cared enough to stop me, so sorry about your luck, kid that you actually do have people in your life that care. Cause guess what Kid, whether anyone else does or not _we_ do care. All of us. That's why we have a say in whether you smoke or not. You understand me?" snapped Havoc.

I felt my irritation dissipating and I stared at the floor. I hadn't thought of it like that before. I wasn't used to having people other than Al, Winry, and Pinako caring about my well being. And certainly not from members of the military. I suddenly felt guilty and I felt like crying. Not that I would ever cry in front of Havoc.

"...You care?" I whispered hesitantly.

"You damn right I care!" said Havoc. "I care enough not to let you get away with it either!"

I looked up quickly and glared at him. Just what did he mean by that?

"Come here Edward."

"Why? What do you want? And just what did you mean by ' _Not going to let me get away with it_ '?" I demanded.

"What is it you Alchemist's like to say 'Equivalent Exchange'? Well I'm about to give you the equivalent exchange for smoking. Now come here." Havoc barked.

I could tell that Havoc was still angry and since I didn't at all like the sound of Havoc's "equivalent exchange" I quickly backed away from him and held my hands up in a placating manner and said hurriedly.

"Look I get it, no smoking, I get it I do! Alright? I'm sorry, I won't smoke anymore, okay?"

"You damn right you won't be smoking anymore, cause I'm going to make sure that you never even think about smoking ever again. And thanks for the apology Edward, now come here."

"...No."

"You know that you're just making things worse for yourself."

"I don't care!" I shouted before I turned to run.

Once again I was caught around my middle only this time I felt myself be picked up bodily before I was deposited over Havoc's left thigh. I threw my hands out instinctively to catch myself but I never touched the ground. Havoc had easily locked me into a position that I hadn't been in since before Mom died. I almost couldn't believe what was happening. This couldn't be happening! I was a State Alchemist! Havoc couldn't really be thinking about doing this!

"W-What are you d-doing?" I gasped out, when I had found my voice.

"You know exactly what I'm doing Edward." said Havoc evenly, as he tugged my leather pants down to my knees.

"S-STOP!" I shouted. "Y-You can't do this!"

"I can and I will."

"I get it! I know not to smoke Havoc! Please! I know it!" I cried.

"I know you know, this is to make sure you don't forget." said Havoc, as he raise his hand.

I wasn't quite sure why I was so apprehensive, I had survived automail without even making a sound, surely I could survive this. Still, I tensed and held my breath as I felt Havoc raise his hand to begin my punishment. I gasped at the pain that blossomed across my backside. It really hurt! I couldn't believe how much it hurt! God, I hoped that all of his swats were going to be like that one! He already had me squirming. Havoc mercifully lessened the strength of his swats after the first half dozen or so before falling into a steady stinging rhythm, working evenly from left to right. I was determined to brave this like a State Alchemist and not like the little kid that Havoc thought me to be. Well I would show him! This wasn't going to effect me at all. But, God did it _hurt!_ The pain in my rear was quickly drowning out all other thoughts in my mind. I quickly bit my lip to stop myself from crying out at a particularly harsh smack to the underside of my bottom, but I couldn't unfortunately stop the involuntary jerk from the pain. Havoc just grunted at me and kept up his steady smacks. I tried to twist off his lap, this had gone on long enough now. I had to get away from his _very_ hand. I clenched my teeth as I formulated a plan; glaring at the floor, as I slowly began to bring my hands together. I almost had them touching when suddenly Havoc reached out and caught ahold of one of my wrists and said angrily.

"I suggest you get that thought outta your head right now Edward, before I decide to take my belt to your bare ass."

"...Yes Sir..." I whispered, hanging my head in defeat.

Apparently Havoc wasn't going to take any chances, because he pulled my arm around and pinned it securely to the small of my back. Having my hand pinned to my back somehow made my punishment seem worse. Havoc had taken away any hope of movement, forcing me to accept the fact that he was spanking me. Forcing me to accept the fact that I was still a kid that had disobeyed the adults in my life and that I was now having to face the consequences. Forcing me to accept the fact that there was powers stronger than me that were looking out for me and wouldn't let me go to far out of their sight and guidance before pulling me back. It was a humbling thought and now that I no longer had my indignation to hold onto I felt the first tears prick at my eyes. But no, I wouldn't cry. I couldn't cry!

"I hope you understand why I'm doing this, Edward. I care about you too much to let you endanger yourself. Smoking can cause permanent damage to your body and I'm not allowing that to happen to you." said Havoc in a firm but quiet voice.

Listening to Havoc say yet again that he cared about me caused the flood gates to open and I began to cry in earnest, collapsing completely over his lap, accepting for once that an adult knew what was best me more than I did. I was crying so hard that I didn't realized that Havoc was no longer spanking me but was instead rubbing my back and saying quietly over and over.

"It's okay, Chief. It's good now, it's over. It's okay."

His words only made me cry even more and I felt myself be pulled up from Havoc's lap, and once my pants were back in their proper place, sat down on top on it rather than draped across it. I laid my head down on Havoc's shoulder and tried to stop my tears. I didn't even want to know how ridiculous I had to have looked. But still I couldn't deny that this felt good. Well this part felt good, my backside certainly didn't, but this, this was nice. Havoc held me until my tears tapered off to the occasional sniffle before looking down at me and saying.

"You alright now?"

I could only nod at me, since my voice seemed to have abandoned me.

"I just want you to know that if I ever catch you smoking again I'm going to make this spanking feel like a few love taps, you got it?"

"Yes Sir! I'm sorry! I won't smoke ever again! I swear! I'm sorry!" I heard myself babble. Ah, so that was how to get one to find their voice, threaten them with a spanking.

"Good, apology accepted and me, we're good now. Just don't forget, smoking can be hazardous to your health." Havoc smiled and lifted me from his lap. "Why don't you wash up a bit and then we'll head on back to the office."

"Do we have to?"I whined, as I washed my face.

"Yes we do, so no more whining." said Havoc sternly, though dampening the effect with his amused smirk.

I groaned as I dried my face and looked at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were red rimmed and puffy from all the crying that I had done. There was no way that everyone in the office wasn't going to know exactly what had happened between me and Havoc. I wasn't sure that I could handle that so I decided to try once more to sway Havoc.

"Havoc...Please...Can't you just let me go home?" I all but begged.

"No, I can't and even if I could I wouldn't. Now not one more word about it." said Havoc, as he lead the way back to the office, trusting that I would follow. Given the current state of my backside I didn't even think to disobey him.

Jogging slightly, and wincing at the pain in my backside from moving to fast, I caught up to Havoc and walked quietly beside him before I looked at him and asked him a question that I had been wondering since he had caught me with the cigarettes.

"How did you even know that me?" I asked meekly, as I tried to rub the sting out of my poor burning backside.

"I count my cigarettes, Edward. I'm not the only soldier here that smokes and most aren't above stealing someone else's to conserve their own. That and Riza said she caught you near my desk before you hauled ass outta the office. Now I don't claim to be a genius, Edward, but even I could figure that one out." answered Havoc, as he stopped at the dreaded door of Mustang's office.

Noticing my worried apprehensive looks, Havoc quickly opened the door and nudged me in. I had to admit I was scared and embarrassed. Scared of what Mustang would say, or possibly do, since technically he was the one who told me not to smoke in the first place before everyone else had jumped in and agreed with him; and embarrassed because everyone would surely know that Havoc had just spanked me. But I had no choice but to face them as Havoc's hand guided me into the room. I could scarcely bear to look anyone but I finally raised my eyes determined not to look like some fresh spanked little kid.

Hawkeye looked as impassive as ever, though her eyes were offering me a small apology. Fuery looked plain stricken , as if he was genuinely worried for my well being. I swear he looked like he was seeing a ghost. Falman and Breda were both chuckling quietly to themselves, as if they found my current plight to be funny. I glared at them angrily. There was absolutely nothing funny about this! My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Loudly. I winced and turned and looked up to see the face of my very irate superior officer. Roy Mustang glared down at me with his arms folded over his chest, making me feel as short as I actually was.

"I do believe that I specifically told you, you were _not_ permitted to smoke, did I not?"

"Yes...Sir." I added quickly, catching his disapproving glare.

"So you admit that you blatantly disobeyed me and endangered yourself at the same time?"

"...Yes Sir...

"Well, if you've got time to disobey orders and steal cigarettes and sneak around then you've got time to do paperwork." said Roy sternly, pointing to the hard wooden chair that sat in front of the never used desk that belonged to none other than myself. I cringed and turned pleading eyes to Mustang, hoping for some leniency. At the glare that I got from Roy, I quickly shuffled over to my desk and gingerly sat down on the chair, gasping at the pain that flared up, and fighting back the tears that sprang to my eyes as I listened to Falman and Breda snickering at my discomfort.

"Breda! Falman! Enough!" Roy growled, as he snapped his fingers, singeing their hair.

It was my turn to snicker, and I did so unashamed as I watched them putting out the few flames that were attacking their hair. Unfortunately for me, my snickers also caught the attention of the Colonel. He glared at me and said sternly.

"Those papers aren't going to sign themselves Fulmetal. I suggest you do something about them."

"...Yes Sir..." I whispered as I picked up my pen and started to work, wincing every time I had to move around on the chair.

I hadn't been sitting there long when I felt someone touch my shoulder. I jumped slightly and looked up apprehensively, wondering who was going to reprimand me next. I saw Riza standing there with a small smile on her face, before she handed me a pillow from the couch. I stared at it for a moment in disbelief before I placed it on the seat of my chair and settled down on it. It didn't make the pain in my backside go away but it lessened it considerably. I mouthed _'Thank You'_ at her and she just smiled in response before settling back down at her own desk. We all had barely been working five minutes when Havoc stood suddenly and said.

"I'll be back in a minute, Boss." said Havoc, then seeing Mustang's questioning look he said tiredly. "I need a cigarette."

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 **A/N: I've never thought that Ed would ever really smoke but I thought that the idea of him smoking was amusing. And this is probably how my parents would have reacted if I had taken up smoking at the tender age of twelve. And by the way I have nothing against smoking or smokers, especially since I, myself, am a smoker. And yes I do know the health risks, so don't bother telling me. I know you can get lung cancer from smoking but you can get that just as easily even if you don't smoke because my Great Grandmother died of lung cancer and never smoked in her life. So anyways, if this offends anyone then I'm sorry.**


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